A collection of Banjo gags. What do you get when you cross a banjo with a mandolin? An instrument that's so out of tune that even the bass player notices. A banjo player parks his car in a bad neighborhood with his banjo in the back seat. Willing to take the risk, he goes into the store. When he returns sure enough someone has broken into his car and put in three more banjos. What does a banjo player say when he knocks on your door? ....Domino's. If a banjo player and his wife divorce, would they still be cousins? What's the difference between a banjo player and a harmonica player?  A harmonica player only sucks on half the notes! The Bluegrass band went fishing and the banjo player fell out of the boat. "Help! Help!" He cried. "I can't swim!" Immediately the guitar player threw the banjo player's banjo to him, saying, "Here! fake it!" What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?  ...A chainsaw has dynamic range. What's the difference between a Banjo and an Accordian? ......The Accordian burns longer. How long does it take to tune a banjo? ......Nobody knows. What is the range of a banjo? About 20 yards if you have a good arm Two banjo players applied for a job. The interviewer said ,' I need a man of intelligence' I need a man who can spell'. So he asked the first banjo player to spell 'Motif'. He said 'M-A-F-K-J'. the interviewer said get out of here. He asked the second Banjo player to spell "motif'. He said ' M-o-t-i-f' . Thats great said the interviewer, now use in it a sentence. The banjo player said  'An alligator got motif than a crocodile' A man in a bar asks the bartender if he wants to hear the latest  banjo joke.  "Sure" says the bartender, "but before you tell it, let me tell you that I'm a banjo player. So is the guy in the corner sharpening his switchblade, and so is the big guy over there throwing the darts through the dartboard. Now, do you still want to tell the joke?  "No" says the man, "I'd hate to have to explain it three times." An accordionist and a banjo player are hired to play on New Year's Eve. After the party, the guy who hired them says, "You guys were great. You want to play for me again next New Year's Eve?" The banjo player says, "Sure! Do you mind if we leave our gear?" Definition of a gentleman: Someone who knows how to play banjo... but doesn't I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if, after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy." A banjo player walks into a library and says to the librarian " Can I have a cheese burger, large fries and a coke please?" The librarian looks at him and says "this is a library!". The banjo player says "Sorry" and whispers "Can I have a cheese burger, large fries and a coke please?" Thanks to Sue Cavendish for these; Q. What's the definition of "waste"? A. A coach full of banjo players going over a cliff...... with six empty seats.   Q. What is the difference between a banjo and an onion? A. No one cries when you cut up a banjo.   Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline Q. How do you get two banjo players to play in perfect unison? A. Shoot one. 'Perfect pitch' is when you can throw a banjo down an open mine shaft and not hit any of the accordians. Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed